Even the Gods Cry

Back to the hospital again for tapping. I laid on the bed after the doctor’s team checked on me.  The phone rang. Staff XYZ called, “I am coming to see you. I have something very important from some advisors about your situation and eHomemakers’.”

Staff  XYZ  stood by my hospital bed to deliver her message calmly, “No one wants eHomemakers, there is no profit in it,” she was also representing an agency. XYZ, which was going to apply for grants to groom social entrepreneurs with eHomemakers and my story. Then I got sick, and there were indications that I could die any time, so they gave up the idea.

Although I wanted to count on her to carry on eHomemakers with the rest of the team, she refused to be a social entrepreneur. “I told you when I joined you that I would only help you during these two- three years. Social entrepreneurship is not for me. You agreed and now you ask me to take over?”

“Look, we have won awards and the last one was in November 2012! I am giving you something that is valuable!” I hanged onto the positive but I was weak and confused. Why would no one appreciate what eHomemakers has done? Is the world so cold and uncaring? Everything has to be money money money!

“So what, there is no money in it. Do you see any social investors coming in to inject money? Do you have a strong revenue stream from the poor and the NGOs whom you are helping?”

“We are working on it, we are making TV documentaries on women’s stories and it will bring in revenue. The NGOs are still getting used to the idea of adopting mobile technology, once we get our mobile money going on, they will come in droves. I still believe it will work,” My tears clouded by eyes by then.

“Well, it looks like you are the only one who believes in this. So how long are we going to wait while you are sick in the hospital?” Her cold corporate voice pierced through the cold air in the ward. I trembled. My heart shrank.

Dumb founded, I could only let the tears flew down my cheeks slowly. Silently. Lightly.  

Were the Gods crying too?

Staff XYZ was asked to advice me on what to do: Let a few core staff run and finishes the current grants, then close eHomemakers. When I die, my daughter will receive my insurance money to go to college and I should not worry about money.

That was sound advice for someone who was dying.

“Why? I give you all of eHomemakers, the intellectual property, ECHO, and everything, just don’t let eHomemakers die! It is my 18 years of work,” I cried out. “I will sign everything over to you now,” I was desperate. I love eHomemakers as much as I love my daughter, both of them have been groomed at the same time. I have give all my energy and time and resources for both.

She shook her head, “No one wants eHomemakers, it has no value. You don’t have a steady revenue stream to pay professional team.”

“It is not true. I am building the revenue stream with the team and those who are with me have been with eHomemakers for over six years. Some have been with eHomemakers since we founded. We have a professional team, just lacking the marketing team which I was hoping you would be heading.”

“Sorry, I am not doing things that go no where. I have given you two years. I got to move on. Non-profit work is not for me. I wish you all the best.” She left. Just like this.

I tried to call her back. But my voice was gone. And she never turned back to look at me or waved a good-bye.

That is it, Ching Ching.

Some people come into your life for a reason, some people come into your life for a season. But those who stay with you will live footprints in your life.  Why don’t you count how many people are leaving footprints in your life? Those who were in your life for a short time and for a specific purpose were here to teach you great lessons and to remind you the very essence of life –perseverance.

Pong did not shed a single tear over her husband’s leaving her.

 But I shed tears for everyone who left me.

Remember what Pong said about her husband who left her when she was in a coma? “He was my husband because Buddha wanted me to change to be a strong person after I came out of the coma. He was the way to show me. Every time I thought about him after my recovery, I said to myself, ‘I must show him that I can live without him.’ So I did, and here I am!”

That night, sleep eluded me. Someone in the next room passed away. Moans, howls, and cries were heard all night long, loud and clear. An Indian man. The family evoked the punishment from the Hindu God of Destruction, Krishna.

“Would it be the same if I die? My home carers will be standing here crying, maybe not as loud?”

The thought chilled my whole being. I slept fitfully that night.

I heard the song, Cry me a River.

  

By Ching Ching