Sitting in the Mess

One of the medications given to me is a laxative, this means I had to go do big business every two hours or so. It is that effective.

But when you are in the hospital ward and you are not allowed to go to the toilet, it is inhuman to be subjected to long hours of ‘sitting in the shit’!

The laxative gave me a good movement in the morning after breakfast. My mother came to see me. She asked the nurses to change my diapers.  “Tolong-lah,” she appealed nicely.  Two young ones finally came, drew the curtain and took off my diapers.

“Where are your wet tissues?” We have to buy disposable wet tissues for nurses to clean us up. These tissues are not cheap especially if you have a few runs in the day.

  Adult diapers, something I loaf to wear…………….

 

(I found a site for people who wear adult diapers, http://www.experienceproject.com/groups/Wear-Adult-Diapers/139333)

Then, after lunch in the afternoon, a big wet one came.  I tried to restrain myself but failed. 

The rush was all the way URGENT.

“Sorry, mother, I know it stinks.” I was embarrassed.

My mother went to find the nurses but they were all buzy. The first year trainee nurses just smiled and walked away when they heard it was ‘berak’ (big business). We have to wait for the nurses on duty to do something. All the nurses said they were buzy, obviously. No one liked to change brown diapers.

These pictures depict the real life in the hospital ward. Unflushable toilet bowls, brown mess on the toilet floor.

That afternoon, I sat in the messy diapers for more than three hours.  When I sat up to drink, I felt like I mashed up something round and soft!  It felt so uncomfortable.  When I lay down, I felt like the mash was further meshed! I tried tol let my mind go somewhere by reading a book, but the mush was down there, and I could feel it then and there. It was uncomfortable to know that bacteria are brewing down there, feasting on my discharge! Yak!

I complained that it took me three hours to have my diapers changed. The nurse was irritated, “We got a lot of work to do. You are not the only patient here!”

That afternoon, I decided that independence is the way to go if I were to heal in this ward. No way, will I let myself be subject to this inhuman condition any more. I must get the order of ‘cannot go to toilet on own’ overturned as fast as possible.

When doctor P came at 5 pm to give me one more check, I told him about the messy mess. “I’ve little dignity left!” I told him, “please let me go to toilet by myself, I promise I will not fall and I will ask my mother to wait at the door.”

My mother helped me to argue my case too. “Very bad, she had to sit on her diapers for a long time. Bad wind goes into body if she does this every day.”

The doctor finally relented, “Ok, I will give instructions but you must make sure you don’t faint in the toilets.”

“I will ask my ward mates to also help out if my mother is not here,” I gave more solution to the situation, desperate to be independent.

That day, I learnt that the freedom to clean your own shit is not a born right!!

By Ching Ching